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Home > News & Articles > Articles > The Power of Appreciation

The Power of Appreciation

2nd December, 2008 by Trevor Silvester

This seems to be a year when old men called Bill have brought me a lesson.

When we moved home 4 years ago we joined a gym in Newmarket. We like to train early and, every morning as regular as clockwork, one of the people through the door with us would be a man called Bill. He’s 76, and always buzzed with life and energy. To be honest he was an inspiration, because when I’m that age I hope to still be training as well as he was – and to look as fit.

Like many things, Bill became a small part of the fabric of our life. We’d exchange brief words about football, or he’d try to encourage me to watch Strictly Come Dancing (he’s a big Brucie fan), but mainly it was just a friendly wave as we got on with the business of training.

In May of this year he stopped appearing, and word came from the receptionists that he had cancer. I remember our shock at this tear in the fabric, the sense of unfairness for someone so vital to be struck down in this way. We hoped for the best but somehow reconciled ourselves to the worst – after all, he’s 76… A card was organised from all his friends at the gym; I guess for many of us a desire to do something, but with the ridiculous British reserve that made us feel we didn’t know him well enough to impose ourselves more.

This morning, a cold December morning, I was on the running machine. It overlooks the weights area, and I suddenly noticed an old man on the leg extension. It was Bill. Looking older, more frail, but still Bill. I watched that man for the next twenty minutes, moving from machine to machine, so slowly and carefully, obviously in pain, but so obviously determined. I felt humbled by his effort and I’m not ashamed to say that my vision became increasingly blurry. That’s a British way of saying that I was in tears.

I found him in the dumbbell room sitting on a bench. Tired as he so obviously was his face still split wide in a grin. I was so overwhelmed to see him that I hugged him, sweaty as I was. He took it in good part.

Bill is dying. He’s had the operations, but, from as much detail as he wanted to go into, it’s a question of time. Yet what he wanted to talk about was how he appreciated the card we sent, “those little things really matter”; he was so amazingly grateful for such a small effort, and returned to it several times. He wanted to know about my wife and I, how our life was; and when I mentioned that Bex has been dragging a virus around for a couple of months now he was concerned. I felt ridiculous for bringing it up, but his interest was so genuine it came out as part of a natural flow in an unnatural moment.

So the man is dying and he still puts his tracksuit on and brings his pain to the gym. Why? “You’ve got to live while you’re living, haven’t you, son?” He said. “I’m going to keep on doing what I want to do, while I want to do it. And I want to do this.”

I left him hanging on for Pat, a young professional boxer who is fighting this weekend in London. Bill wants a ticket, in case he has the energy to go, but partly I think he just wants Pat to know that he cares.

I teach and preach positive psychology. I routinely talk about how it’s not what happens to us but our response to it that dictates who we are. I quote Victor Frankl when he said that man’s last freedom is his attitude to his situation. But rarely have these things leapt from a page and into my life in the way they did today. Bill continues to inspire me, and now I know he always will. But not just to keep fit, but to appreciate the small things I can do for others that matter, and the things that others do for me that remind me that I matter too.

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Comments

  1. Gravatar for Anita MitchellAnita Mitchell says

    2nd December, 2008 at 10:45 pm

    What can I say, but thanks for sharing that with us Trevor. Bill is certainly an inspiration.

    Anita

  2. Gravatar for Christine MiskellyChristine Miskelly says

    4th December, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    This is such a touching story. It made me think about the books I have been reading by Eckhart Tolle on The Power of Now. To fully experience life we need to be in the present moment, future and past only exist in the mind. Bill clearly knows the truth of this.

  3. Gravatar for TrevorTrevor says

    13th January, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    The sad, but inspiring news is that Bill died a few days later. He was upstairs getting ready to go to Pat’s fight when his wife heard him call her. She found him on the bed. He said “You know I love you, don’t you?” and he died.

    For his last moments to be filled with that thought, and the desire to communicate it to her with his last breath, is all the epitaph he needs.

Books by Trevor Silvester

Cognitive Hypnotherapy: What's that about and how can I use it? - Two simple questions for change
This book defines an exciting new approach to the field of therapy and counselling. Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a model that can be used to create a unique treatment plan for each client, using techniques drawn from any school of thought, integrated into a single model that uses the clients own mind to solve their own problems.


Wordweaving: The Science of Suggestion - A Comprehensive Guide to Creating Hypnotic Language
In this new approach to the use of hypnotic suggestion, we aim to free you from the constraints of scripts and enable you to use your creative skill to weave subtle spells that empower your clients by changing their model of reality.


The Question is the Answer: Focusing on Solutions with Cognitive Hypnotherapy (Wordweaving 2)
This book builds on the model introduced in Wordweaving, and shows you how to ask the questions that will provide you with the information you need to create hypnotic language patterns specifically for each client.


Lovebirds: How to Live with the One You Love
One of the biggest mistakes we make is to treat other people as if they are just like us. I've been helping couples improve their lives together for over 20 years, and one thing is clear to me: most couples don't flounder through lack of love, but through a lack of understanding. Lovebirds will teach you how to live with the one you love.

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